Cancer

What Do You Say to Someone Who Has Cancer?

When a friend, coworker, or family member is diagnosed with cancer, it can be overwhelming to know what to say or do. You want to be supportive, but fear of saying the wrong thing might leave you frozen, unsure of how to reach out.

I understand that feeling all too well—because I’ve been on both sides of it. Before my own breast cancer diagnosis, I remember hearing that someone in my town had been diagnosed, and I completely froze. I wanted to offer support, but I didn’t know what to say. So, I said nothing. And that is something I will always regret.

Years later, when I was the one diagnosed with breast cancer and facing chemotherapy and a mastectomy, I experienced firsthand how people struggled to find the right words. Some friends pulled away, unsure of how to approach me. Others reached out, even just to say, “I’m thinking of you.” And let me tell you, that simple message made all the difference.

There Are No Perfect Words—But Reaching Out Matters

The truth is, there are no “right” words to take away the fear, pain, or exhaustion that comes with cancer. But what you can do is remind your friend that they are not alone. Even a small gesture, a text, a card, or a simple “I’m thinking of you”—can bring a moment of comfort. And those moments add up.

During my own treatment, the notes and cards I received were like little lifelines. They didn’t require me to respond, they didn’t pressure me to provide updates—they just reminded me that I was supported and loved. The kindness extended to my family was just as impactful. My husband was overwhelmed, my kids were scared, and every message or small gift helped lighten the weight of it all.

Simple Ways to Show Support

If you’re unsure of what to say or do, here are some thoughtful ways to support someone with cancer:

Send a card – A heartfelt or funny card can brighten someone’s day. You don’t have to write much—just a simple “Thinking about you” or “Sending love your way” is enough. I’ve created a collection of cancer and chemo cards designed specifically to bring comfort (and sometimes a much-needed laugh) during such a difficult time.

Text messages that don’t require a response – A simple, low-pressure text can mean so much. Some examples:

  • Thinking about you today ❤️
  • Hope today is a better day.
  • Sending lots of love your way.
  • You’ve been on my mind—sending you love and healing.

Offer specific help – Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” try offering something concrete:

  • “I’m heading to the grocery store, can I pick anything up for you?”
  • “I’m grabbing dinner from [a local restaurant], what can I get for you?”

Gift cards can be a lifesaver – Restaurants near their home, DoorDash, UberEats, Instacart - anything that takes the pressure off cooking.

Support their family, too – If they have kids, small surprises like books, games, or coloring books can provide a distraction. Thoughtful notes for their partner or caregiver would also mean the world.

For a friend going through chemo – A chemo care bag filled with comforting items can be a wonderful gift. (Check out my list of chemo bag essentials for ideas!)

The most important thing? Just reach out. Even if you’re not sure what to say, saying something is always better than silence.

If you’re looking for a meaningful way to send love, take a look at our collection of cancer and chemo cards. Sometimes, a simple card can make all the difference.

There are no good words for this. Except maybe swear words. Like lots and lots of swear words.